Okay, it's not a word. I was going to name this post "Being True to Yourself" but can you think of a more boring title? Plus, making up words is part of who I am, so I'm just being genuine.
Recently I read a short, but very fun novel about vampires. Now, before you get excited, this post has nothing to do with vampires, or bloodsucking, or murdering, or even garlic. I’m writing this post on a Sunday and since every religion that I know of forbids bloodsucking on the Sabbath, we won't even discuss it here. If you're here for bloodsucking, go buy the book.
Aaaaaanyway, in the book there’s this great character named Melissa, and she is a person who is true to herself. While describing Melissa, the author says some pretty cool things about what that actually means. I think he hits the nail on the proverbial head:
“The main thing is that she was smart. Too smart to play the games most people spend their whole lives on: petty insecurities and jealousies, tiny dreams and safe ambition, masks that hide the true, vulnerable, frightened self; selfish love, and frustration when expectations don’t come through.
Without such games to take up her time, all that remained was herself, and she offered no excuses or apologies for exploring, discovering, and enjoying her true nature.
To some, that made her a rebel.
But she was not a rebel. Rebels define themselves by what they’re not. Melissa never did this. She never felt the need to break free of family ties to prove her independence. She never felt compelled to prove her individuality to anyone the way so many people do.
She dressed her own way, it’s true, but not to prove anything. She simply dressed as she felt comfortable. She read what she wanted, thought what she wanted, said what she wanted. For the most part, did what she wanted, but she never did it to “show” anybody.
She was different. She was unique. She was alive. She was true to herself.”
(Taken from “This: A Vampire Cure for Forever,” by Shaun Roundy)
We all care, in some degree or another, what others think of us. And that preoccupation with how others view us, however mild or extreme, shapes at least some part of our behavior. If a concern for what others think of us is affecting and altering our behavior, that means we’re being fake. Altering our behavior so that others think more positively of us means we’re not being true to ourselves.
So, how do we overcome our fakery and be more true to ourselves, possessing genuine and natural behavior all the time, no matter what people think? Easy:
Stop being so self-centered.
Seriously, the world doesn’t revolve around you.
When you’re worried about what others think of you, stop it, and consider this: For the most part, others don’t think of you. People are far too concerned with their own lives to be preoccupied with yours.
Stop it with your obsessing over what you’re wearing, how you look, how you sound, what others think of your comments, your friends, your interests, your appearance, your weaknesses. Most of us aren’t even close to being so fascinating that others are scrutinizing us to that level, picking up on oddities, weaknesses, weirdness, or non-perfection. Sure, plenty of people like us and enjoy being around us, but let’s not flatter ourselves; even our best friends aren’t THAT into us.
Most people don’t ever notice that thing that we hope nobody notices. And when they occasionally do, they dismiss it and forget about it almost instantly. Think about the last time you were in a social setting and someone said or did something strange. How long did you pause to really consider the moment so that you could remember it, or gossip about it later? Ah Hah! You can’t even remember an incident! Because it’s true, we simply don’t care. We dismiss that sort of thing immediately because it’s just not that captivating. It’s not a big deal to us.
So stop being stressed out about what others think. Stop being frightened that others might perceive something strange about you.
There’s something strange about everybody, right? Who cares!
Basically, if you can…
- Be your genuine self, AND
- Genuinely enjoy being your genuine self
…others will enjoy you too.
They’ll thoroughly enjoy you for the person you really are. Because the natural and authentic and strange you, the one who doesn’t care what others think, is the very best you of all.
